You have probably heard the phrase tantric sex before, but what does it actually mean? Sex in general can often just be associated with the physical aspects of it but tantric sex is actually all about connecting in a much deeper way than just physically. In todays society sex is still often considered a taboo subject for many. One of the most special things about tantric sex is its actually a beautiful way to really feel seen. It helps to release any shame, show love to our bodies and creates a safe space to be authentically you. Linking mindfulness with our sexual pleasure to have conscious sex elevates both body and mind. I previously wrote about how communication is one of the keys to better sex and tantric sex really embodies this idea. By creating a safe space where both parties are respectful and communicate well with each other it opens a beautiful portal to a whole new type of sex. One where you are connecting body and mind in harmony.
Tantric sex as a term comes from the Sanskrit word tantra which means ‘to weave’ It is all about the interconnectedness of our minds, bodies, souls as well as our energies. The purpose of tantra is to connect on the same consciousness as each other in the practise. This is why it’s often used to assist in achieving orgasm at the same time as your partner. The real magic of tantric sex is that it combines your sexual energy with your heart and spirit. Doing this with a partner hitters the experience and when everything is aligned you can experience the most transformational sex. Not only physically pleasurable but also healing and empowering.
So now to the actual practice. It may be surprising to some but a lot of tantric sex doesn’t actual involve penetration or touch in the usual places associated with sex. Tantra is much more subtle to that in most cases at least to start off. With such focus on connected mentally rushing things is not on the cards. The focus is on gentle touch, getting comfortable with each others presence and bodies. It can also incorporate breath work into it. The key is to be completely at home in body and mind with the person you are sharing the experience with. Edging, which is the act of getting close to orgasm but purposely holding off ejaculating is also very common in tantric sex. This enables the pleasure to last for much longer and also increases stimulus and enhances orgasm when you do allow yourself.
Some practices you can try at home are:
Eye gazing: This is a great start to tantra, you simply sit somewhere comfortable facing your partner. Hold hands if you feel like it and gaze into their eyes and them into yours. This creates a beautiful intimacy. If you are a beginner I would suggest just trying for a couple minutes.
Physical touch : This requires you to gently caress your partners body, consensually of course. This is good for setting boundaries and learning where your partner likes to be touched. You can take in turns or at the same time. You could also try taking in turns to give and receive a massage. Up to you how clothed or unclothed you want to be too.
Hands on heart circuit : This is one of my favourites for a magical and intimate connection, I like to start with this or simple eye gazing. First place your hand on your own heart and take some deep breaths. Envision breathing love into your heart. You can close your eyes or look at your partner in this practise. Next take your right hand with the love energy and place it on your partners heart and theirs on yours. Now take your left hand and place it over theirs. This creates a powerful love circuit between both your hearts and hands. Each time you breathe in you receive the love into your heart and send it through your hand back into your partners heart. You can take as many breaths here as you want and be as naked or non naked as you please.
Lastly lets look at one of the most common tantric positions. The yam-yum position. It represents the union of shiva and shakti which are the divine energies of masculine and feminine. Also note that these reflect energies and don’t have to match gender.
So for this position there is a base partner who sits cross legged wherever is comfortable, the other partner can either sit on top of the base partner or plant their butt on a pillow and wrap their legs on top of the base partner. The base partner puts their arms around the waist of their partner on top and the partner on top puts their arms around the shoulders of the base partner. Next you can be cheek to cheek or forehead to forehead. This position is aligning all the chakras and gives the most intimate of connections. The key is to synchronise your breathing and move along with the way the energy takes your bodies. This is transferring energy between your two bodies. Also to note its very common to reach orgasm in this position fully clothed but again you can choose to be naked if you wish and penetrate also if you wish. This is the beauty of tantric sex, its all about your joint levels of comfort and desire. Intertwining them gives limitless possibilities.
By Lauren Rose